Checking for Vital Signs/A Tally

Notes to Self
As I get older, I lose some and I gain some:

Losses

The music I grew up with is now featured on oldies stations, and the voices I love keep dying - Michael,

Whitney - who will be next? Shoot me if Prince dies.

Where did all my friends go? When I was 21 my address book was filled with dozens of names I could rely on for a good time. Now a good time consists of a Breaking Bad marathon with Husband and a bag of Oreos in bed. Don't get me wrong - I adore Husband (and Oreos for that matter), but sometimes I wish I had someone to call and talk to about girlie things.

Time - I miss having the time to stay up until 5 AM and sleep in until 4 PM. I haven't done this in years, and I probably wouldn't do it even if I had the time, but I'd still like to know that I could if I wanted to again.

Gains

I spent an hour plucking out my white hairs a few days ago. Some of these gains suck.

I've gained a deeper respect and adoration for my parents.

As I grow older, my lexicon expands and I find I finally have the right words to describe my fears.

Likewise, time has given me the balls to articulate those fears.

Sometimes I feel beautiful. I never felt that way in my teens or early twenties. I like this feeling. It's a feeling that does not depend on anyone's gaze or approval.

Vital Signs

I look forward to having children. I see them in my dreams and I can't wait to meet them.

Tenaciously I hold on to those who love me. There aren't many people who truly love me, even at my ugliest. I want to keep them.